Internet Safety for Kids and in the Home
Whenever I’m done with a presentation on Internet Safety to a group, I’m frequently asked for a copy of the comments that I’ve made. That’s what has prompted this web page. Please consider this a ‘work in progress’. I don’t claim to have all the answers, and every day technology changes. If you have any other thoughts, ideas, or would like to share something that you have done that has worked well in your home, I would be happy to hear about it and consider it for inclusion here! Feel free to mail your thoughts or comments to aussie@fuse.net ! Stop back and look for revisions!
Please make sure that you read the closing paragraphs - there is important information there!
Revision History:
Update 2/08 - Second update this month - but new thoughts keep coming up. Toward the end of the document you will find information concerning how to determine your IP address, and on the web history page is information about 'where to find' the web history for Internet Explorer version 7.X - you know programmers - they love to change things!
Update 2/08 - I made a talk at Turpin High School last night and got a great suggestion about router based Internet filtering, see the section after Child Guardian Software.
Update 9/07 - the long awaited update about Webkins, other 5-10 year old related web sites, and some information about consol games like the XBox and Wii.
Update 3/07 - some clarification concerning P2P networks, coming will be information about Webkins and other young kid oriented web sites, but I need time for some research!
Update 2/07 - after a number of recent presentations I've included some material about 'cyberbullying', password keepers, and substance abuse issues - yes there IS a tech connection. I also just basically reviewed and made sure everything was still accurate. I also added a link for http://www.theantidrug.com/E-Monitoring/overview.asp where you can learn about current issues with kids and the 'net. I apologize that this is getting a little long - but I really haven't found anything I'd like to cut out - sorry.
Update 9/06 - new information toward the end of the document concerning kids, cell phones, how powerful cell phones have become (they really are palm computers any more!) and new stuff they are doing with them!
Update 6/06 - addition of the 'revision history', addition to Item 2 on Current Communications (current.net) Internet access, addition to information about myspace.com and other web log sites, addition of information about web sites with archives of past sites (Way Back Machine etc.), addition to information about key stroke monitoring and capturing programs.
Update 02/06 - there is some new information toward the end about web logs (blogs) and IM away messages that all parents should read, not to mention an update on P2P file sharing!
Update 04/06 - new information about Myspace.com and accessing your kids blogs.
Practical suggestions – a 12-step plan!
1) Get a good anti-virus program, and update the virus definitions at least once a week – twice a week is better – best yet is to allow the program to make it’s own updates whenever it wants!
a. You can obtain the latest set of virus def’s by going to the web page for the manufacturer of your AV software, or configure automatic updates within the program itself.
b. Your cost is about $50.00 / year – or $1.00 a week – that’s not too much to pay, especially if you have ever had to clean up an infected computer!
c. The majority of common mal-ware programs now include a feature that opens a ‘back door’ into the infected computer. This ‘back door’ can be used to remove / alter data on the infected computer, as well as use that computer as a launch point for other attacks, etc.
d. Your AV company may also include a security suite – that may be something that you want to consider. However sometimes AV companies ‘security software’ (spam filters, firewalls, etc.) can be harder to configure than stand alone or dedicated programs.
e. There are also a number of free AV programs out there. Many of these work well and are offered at the right price! Talk with your friends, and do a little on-line research
for more information.
f. Even a poor AV program is better than no AV program at all.
g. Don't forget about spyware and other 'privacy invasion' type programs out there. There are a number of good web sites that can help you deal with them, check out
Spybot (http://www.safer-networking.org/en/index.html) and Adaware (http://www.lavasoftusa.com/default.shtml.en) as well as others.
2) Think about a firewall – in particular if you have broadband or ‘always on’ Internet connections (cable modems or DSL modems – RoadRunner or Zoomtown locally) or using the new service via the electric utility called 'Current' (more information available at www.current.net).
Important addition: Many folks are now using a router device, and are thinking they are secure. You MUST first configure security on your router. There are only two or three default passwords on these devices, and you will have to go into the device settings (usually accomplished using your web browser and typing in the URL window http://192.168.1.1 or http://192.196.2.1 - check your manual or the manufacturer's web site for your specific address) and navigating to the security settings. You MUST disable the default account, set up a NEW administrator account called something (anything you'd like actually), and then setting a password (and I would suggest a ROBUST password, 8-15 characters, no 'real words') to secure the router. If you don't do this - all will be for naught and the following just won't work - the bad guy will log in and re-set your router to what they want!
a. A hardware firewall can be as simple as a router or switch that uses ‘DHCP’ addressing to share your Internet connection between multiple machines. This will ‘stop’ your IP (Internet Protocol) address at the router or switch and ‘mask’ the IP address of the computers connected to the router or switch. Approximate cost is less than $100.00 (generally $40 - $60) at most computer and office supply stores. This will not work with 'current' modems - you'll have to contact the vendor at Current Communications for more details on that.
i. If you can configure the IP range for the DHCP addressing – you may want to consider using a ‘portable block’ that would further confuse potential intruders if they compromise this first level of security.
b. True, this is not a ‘for real’ firewall, but you only want to secure your home, not a business! Your home is a much ‘lower risk’ target. However, real firewalls can be purchased as stand alone systems for a little as $300.00. The price has really dropped dramatically, the current versions of firewalls at a seminar a couple weeks ago were still in that $300.00 range, but that means the home versions are now about half that. The installation and setup is more difficult as the devices become more sophisticated, but they are still pretty easy to set up, generally through your web browser, and by following a wizard.
c. A software firewall can be free to approximately $40.00 and will monitor and block communications in and out of a specific computer on your network. Examples of these programs include Black Ice and Zonealarm. Most are relatively easy to setup and use.
d. Don't forget that current versions of Windows include a software firewall - you can't get any cheaper than free. My personal preference is to stick with products from dedicated vendors however.
e. Think about using both in conjunction with each other!
f. NOTE; many malicious programs are designed to kill these kinds of software programs, but usually physical devices survive the attack!
g. Don't forget to change or disable the default user name and password on your switch or router, if you don't do that then an intruder will simply re-configure your equipment the way they want! (And maybe they don't want you to be able to access your own network?!) Pick something kind of robust, and make sure that you don't forget it - if you do you'll have to re-set your switch or router to factory defaults and start over, and that's a real pain!
h. Go re-read 1) c.! The need for a firewall has never been greater!
3) Know how your equipment works!
a. Does your wireless network access point broadcast ‘loud enough’ for your neighbor (or some guy on the street) to borrow your signal?
i. Do you know how to turn the wattage of the signal down?
b. Does your wireless network access point use WEP/WPA? (Wired Encryption (or Equivalence) Protocols)
c. Do you have WEP/ WPA turned on or off?
d. Do you use wireless cameras in the residence and how far do they broadcast?
e. Does any of this apply to other devices in the house – baby monitor, wireless telephone, cellular phone?
f. With the advent of 802.11g, BlueTooth, and other WiFi connections available today you must consider the kind and type of data that is contained by the device that has the connection enabled. (Do you have financial or identification information stored on you BlueTooth enabled Palm Computer?)
g. Remember as well – your wireless access point will be installed within the area of the network protected by your firewall – you don’t want to lock the front and back doors and then leave the garage door open!
h. Like I said above - don't forget to change or disable the default account on your access point and other devices. If you leave the defaults in place an intruder will simply use them to re-configure your device to suit their needs, possibly even locking YOU out of the network. Pick a robust account name and password, and don't forget it or you will have to re-set your device to the factory defaults and start over - that's a drag!
i. Finally – remember that the device connecting to the Wireless Access Point also functions wirelessly. I know that sounds like a duh – but – if you are not securing that connection, the device itself – your laptop, PDA, or whatever (rather than your network) may be vulnerable to intrusion as well….in particular when you remove that portable device from your ‘secured area’. While you are sitting at Starbucks sipping that latte and reading your e-mail, someone else may be checking out your hard disk!
4) Move the computers out of the bedroom, and into common areas of the house!
a. Kids will find it harder to get into mischief if there is someone looking over their shoulders.
b. You wouldn’t send you child to New York and turn them loose for a few hours unsupervised. Why would you let them have access to the world without watching them?
c. You will have to learn their language – POS means Parent Over Shoulder!
5) Be a benevolent dictator!
a. The kids need to understand that they have NO expectation to privacy in the computer.
i. You get passwords to all accounts – email and otherwise!
ii. Check on their e-mails from time to time too!
b. If you don’t want the kids to chat on line – then they DON’T chat on line!
c. Take the time to browse through the Internet History on the computer, as well as the image files on the computer and the image files trapped in the Temporary Internet Files folders.
i. While using the Internet you computer constantly saves data to the hard drive, it’s called caching (pronounced ‘cashing’).
ii. These files – mostly images – will remain on the hard drive for quite some time.
iii. The location of this cached data will vary based on the OS you are using – but using a program like Thumbs+ or ASEEDSEE or the like to browse all the images on the hard disk will show you the files. Just make sure they are in an ‘account’ that belongs to your child (if your OS supports that) before you start challenging the kids!
d. It’s OK to be your child’s friend – but they probably need a parent more than they need a friend right now!
6) Get the kids to teach you how!
a. If you are feeling ‘un-tech’ savvy – let your kids show you how things work – you may both expand your knowledge base!
b. Besides – it’s fun and can provide some bonding time with your kids.
7) You are always in control!
a. You probably restrict what your kids watch on TV and see at the theater, does that apply to the computer games they play / websites they visit / e-mail they send?
b. When you have an opportunity, go find some of your kid’s commercial music CD’s, think more ‘alternative’ music groups, and drop the CD into your computer. You will probably find more than just music tracks on the CD – there may be videos, images, and more!
i. Don’t think that your kids don’t know this!
c. If you are using an operating system that support multiple accounts, YOU set up the account for your kids, YOU supply the password, and YOU fix the penalty for using someone else’s account.
i. Don’t forget to check their web use from time to time as well – for details on how to do that, click here
8) Be an intelligent consumer!
a. For any site you can find on the World Wide Web (www) you can find another site that states the opposite.
b. Teach the kids (and yourselves) that you must be the one that decides what is information and what is dis-information!
9) Remember that there is more to the Internet than the WWW!
a. The Internet includes e-mail, chat, FTP (raw File Transfer Protocol), Newsgroups (available via any e-mail program), and more.
i. Newsgroups are e-mail ‘lists’ that contain messages generally grouped around a specific subject.
ii. These subjects include everything from A-Z, but also include topics related to sex, violence, anarchy, and various other ‘unsavroy’ subjects!
10) Remember that kids WILL get into mischief from time to time!
a. I saw my first playboy magazine while I was an 8th grader at a Catholic School here in the Cincinnati area (and we are going back to ’72 here!), on school grounds, during the school day, at my desk, right under the nose of the teacher - when a classmate brought it in to show me!
i. We didn’t need the Internet to find stuff like that then either!
b. But – this is age specific behavior; it’s what kids are supposed to do!
i. No crises – but an issue that needs to be dealt with in an adult manner.
c. You may want to consider how you are going to react BEFORE the crisis is upon you. Having a plan before hand will make the response more controlled.
11) Remember that you can be whoever you want while you are on-line!
a. This is a really powerful drug for teenagers who are going through the process of identifying themselves.
b. Fantasy is fine – as long as that fantasy doesn’t replace reality!
c. When you consider the number of times that you have heard this fantasy life has ruined adult relationships for adults – how much greater is the risk for kids!
d. As in all things with your kids – be aware – but understand that just because they are in their bedroom doesn’t mean that they are safe and sound – at least when they have unfettered access to the world!
12) Prepare your kids for the adventure!
a. We teach our kids how to cross the street (look both ways), how to be safe in public (don’t talk to strangers), and even what to do if their clothes catch on fire (stop, drop, and roll).
b. Then we give them a computer and access to a world full of strangers – and we expect them not to have problems?
c. Before the issues arise, consider talking with your kids about what might happen on the Internet
i. What should I do if I get an e-mail or have a chat that scares me?
ii. What should I do if I get an e-mail or have a chat that makes me mad?
iii. What should I do if someone says something to me in chat or an e-mail that makes me uncomfortable?
iv. What should I do if someone says something to me in chat or an e-mail that is sexual in nature?
v. What should I do if someone I know sends me and e-mail, or says something in chat like they want to kill themselves or someone else?
d. Preparation before the problem will smooth the response when (not if) it occurs!
e. At the end of the day – we as parents MUST remember that there are probably things our kids would never want to discuss with us! And we were the same way! Let your kids know that 1) they can ALWAYS come to you with problems and concerns, but if they still don’t want to 2) It’s OK to take those concerns to another ‘trusted adult’ – be it a teacher, coach, scout leader, clergy, or their ‘best friend’s’ mom or dad! And try not to feel insulted if they do – that kind of letting go is a part of growing up!
What about Child Guardian Software? Maybe it’s not a bad idea, over the past several months there have been advances in the filtering technology. But the software DOES have some drawbacks that include prohibiting sites that may be worth going to (think breast and prostate cancer for example!). The programs require installation and routine maintenance (much like your anti-virus software does!). Finally, they tend to lull parents into a false feeling of security! So – while they may not be a bad idea, as long as you are willing to undertake the additional work, and still stay on guard – then by all means install one! There are several that do have one extremely attractive feature – timers that can be used to limit the amount of time a user can use the computer!
A suggestion I received from a parent at Turpin High School during a talk I made there was really outstanding! Many of us use some kind of a router at home to connect more than one computer to our Internet access. I mentioned such a device earlier in this document as well, and described some of this procedure - but you may have 'jumped ahead' to get here. Many of these devices will allow you to configure some types of filtering. You will need to learn how your specific device works (RTMF - Read The Flippin' Manual), or go on-line to the vendor's web site for information. But simply put you access the setup features of the device using your web browser. For example - lets use a Linksys WRT54G wireless router. You connect your computer to the router, start your web browser (Internet Explorer) and in the URL line type HTTP://192.168.2.1 and hit the enter key. The next thing you will see is the setup screens for the device. You find your way to the 'filters' page, and then enter the data in the different fields that you want to block. You can severely 'hamper' the function of the device by doing this, but it may be something you want to consider!
I've had several parents ask about installing a monitoring program on their kids computers - maybe one that will save everything the kids do while using the computer and e-mail it to a parent - all without the kids knowing about it. OK - it's your kid - and you have to be the judge about how you want to watch them. But please consider this, how will your child respond if you walk up to them with a printout of an on-line chat they thought was private because you wanted to discuss with them the contents of the chat? I think that the argument may be more about "You were spying on me and you don't trust me" than what was said in a chat! It may be necessary - in particular after a first or second offense - but weigh carefully the loss of trust between parent and child before you make the decision. I make it a point to NOT tell parents how to raise their kids - just to give them their options pro and con - you are the best judge of what will and won't work with your kids! Maybe install and use the program, but disclose to the child that you are using the program. At least then when you have to confront them there won't be a surprise about the data being captured. One last point - this document (as of 6/06) contains over 4200 words, and over 24,000 characters. It will require about 20 seconds to transfer over a 28.8 baud modem. It will take you maybe 10 minutes to read. It's about 11 standard pages long. Your kids might type this much every day - and that's a lot of reading on your part. In particular if you don't keep up with it every day. Will you have that time to invest? Software like this is like the ballistic body armor that I wear, it works great if you have it on, but isn't work anything if its hanging in your locker!
Next – I get a lot of questions about scams, frauds, and phishing (pronounced ‘fishing) and pharming (pronounced 'farming') schemes that people find on the net, and how they might protect themselves from problems when they get a questionable e-mail or find a questionable web site. Take a look at www.lookstoogoodtobetrue.com and you will find a great many answers to questions like these, and information about what to do if or when you think you are a victim. There are some on-line quizzes there as well that may help answer some of your questions about being ‘safe enough’! Another valuable site for researching 'urban legends / urban myths' is www.snopes.com - some really good information located here and an easily searchable database of stories. So if you get and e-mail that includes 'I know this is true because my cousin knows a guy who knows the guy who discovered it' or other such comments - maybe check it out at snopes before you believe it!
Now - earlier I was talking about the need to run and AV program, firewall, and maybe spyware program. Just a word of caution here - too much of a good thing can be as bad as doing nothing! So - run an AV program - but don't run two - they may conflict with each other. Run a fire wall, but don't run a second party firewall and Windows native firewall at the same time - they will conflict with each other! Spyware programs tend to run better with each other - but really one is quite enough! Just use some common sense, and read the manual that came with your program for these kinds of programs!
OK - another series of questions I get relate to web logs - or blogs. These are web sites where users - in this case our kids - set up unique sites about themselves. They include web sites hosted at www.facebook.com, www.myspace.com, www.livejournal.com, www.blogspot.com, www.xanga.com and others. Basically kids post information and pictures about themselves, their friend, their likes and dislikes - you get the idea. There is a lot of really good information available from sites like this, and generally kids tell enough about themselves that there is no problem in figuring out who they are, where they live, and what school they go to. As a parent I can see some risk here, as a parent maybe you should too. Kids frequently include their phone numbers and Instant Message identifiers as well. While we are on the subject of IM - kids will frequently put information in their 'away messages' that is designed to tell their friends where they are and what they are doing. But anyone can see this information as well. In fact, I keep up with the coming and going of my three oldest kids by reading their blogs and away messages - sometimes kids will tell strangers things that they will never tell their parents! You - as a parent - will have to make the decisions about how much is too much and what can and can not be said, and you - as a parent - will have to keep up with this stuff to be sure that your kids are following your rules. Maybe the answer will be 'no blogging at all' - remember - it's OK to be a benevolent dictator when it comes you your kids safety! A couple final comments on blogs, and in particular myspace.com. Myspace has been in the news recently talking about how they are beefing up their security, restricting what information people can see on myspace sites of juveniles, good stuff like that. I guess my question is, how does myspace know that the user is a juvenile? The answer here is that myspace takes the member at their word. Kids lie - pure and simple, if they want something - they lie if necessary (ask anyone who used a fake ID to get beer or into a club while they were under age!). Myspace has no way of verifying anything - so they take the kid at their word. Do a search on myspace for people who are 99 years old and see how many you find - then look at the pictures and you'll find a whole bunch of them are kids. Many of these kids even put on their index page how old they really are - or even worse - their birthday! There are also ways around the 'private page' security on myspace. I've pondered long and hard about disclosing here how to do this. Part of me wants to share the details to prove that there are ways around and to make it easier for parents to check out their kids pages. Part of me doesn't want to share the information, because it makes me a part of the problem, not the solution. So - I've decided not to share the work arounds. If you want access to your kids myspace page, have them make you a 'friend' so you can access the page.
Over the past few days I've also received a lot of new information from Myspace.com. First and foremost - if you are having problems with your child or their myspace page - you can click on this link http://www.myspace.com/Modules/Common/Pages/SafetyTips.aspx# . Toward the top of the page you will find a tab that says "Tips for Parents". Click on this tab and you will find a full disclosure of how myspace works, and a link that you - as a parent - can click on to have your child's myspace site closed. Myspace.com has also released a document that I have stored here http://www.anaturalplace.com/netsafety/document.pdf . This document details Myspace.com's position on safety for our kids. The 'Zepher' software is not available yet - but will be coming soon - I'll update when it's available for download. This information will pretty much apply to all the blog sites out there - don't hesitate to contact them if you are a concerned parent - they will help you out, but it looks like a lot of them will not be supporting myspace's Zepher program. To locate the information about HOW to contact the sites - go to the start page, and look for the words "contact us'. Click on that link and you should get all the information that you need.
You are probably getting tired of hearing about blog sites - but there is one more comment that I have to share. I have confirmed information about a young man from an elite private local high school that, as a senior, had all but been accepted into Dartmouth University. This was a dream come true for this young man, and it looked like he (a straight A student and all that other good stuff) was on his way to a really successful life. Then Dartmouth University reviewed his myspace site. After this review, he received a letter from the Admissions board of the University advising him that his application had been rejected based on the content of this site, Dartmouth didn't need a student who engaged in activities like he does. He could re-apply in one year, if he was still interested. How many of our kids have things on their web sites that could cause them an issue like this? If not a spot at a University, then what about future employment? Maybe you should have this discussion with your kids as well. And while you are at in, maybe take them to http://www.archive.org/index.php . This is one of many archive sites where web pages from the past live on and on. Hopefully this is enough said!
Kind of related - I found a great link to share with all of us - the web site provides all kinds of information concerning kids, the Internet, instant message lingo, it even has a 'test' you can take to check on how 'tech savvy' you really are. Click here: http://www.theantidrug.com/E-Monitoring/overview.asp . I've reviewed the site some - it looks pretty good, and the folks at 'theantidrug' are top notch.
Before I start the next section - P2P file sharing - I'm going to make a little distinction. P2P means Peer to Peer, it's a form or kind of computer networking. In many homes and businesses there are peer to peer networks - one computer in the house can 'talk' to any other computer in the house, use the other computers files, and use the other computers peripheral devices (like printers). That's what a peer to peer network is - all the computers and devices are equals (peers) and all one big happy family. P2P file sharing networks are something different. Initially when I described them, I called them Point to Point networks, but that caused some confusion. So - in order to stop some confusion, I'm going to use the common industry term "Peer to Peer" - but I will NOT be talking about what you have at your home or office - I'll be talking about computers in different parts of the world connecting for the purpose of file sharing.
With that much said, if you don't know what P2P is, or to find out the kind of stuff that's being shared on P2P, click here. There are a lot of good reasons that I choose not to permit P2P from my home, the first of which is security. Setting up P2P on a computer means opening a share on your hard drive to the outside world. I just won't do that! I've also tried to teach my kids that stealing is wrong. It's also a crime! Taking something that someone 'gives' you - and turning a blind eye to the fact that this someone is not the owner or have the right to give it to you - well - that's just stealing too! But if that's not convincing enough, then encourage the kids to consider what might result if they get caught: All the money that was going to be spent on their college education, or their car, or their new computer, or that other thing that they really - really - want, is going to be spent on paying the fines for the music / movie / software copyright infringement, not to mention defending them in court. While you are at it - you may want to discuss what's going to happen to your home and retirement too! Finally, what employer or University is going to want to hire or accept someone when they have a proven track record of stealing Intellectual Property and Copyright Infringement? Good jobs and good schools are a lot about trust! So really, it's not about anything other than doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do! (Or at least the size of the hammer that will fall scares you!)
I'm always talking to people, and I'm always trying to broaden my horizons. This has led me to a new discovery. I've been speaking to several different parents groups and school administrator types over the past couple weeks, and we've been discussing high school (and middle school) kids with cell phones. First of all - we have to realize that high end cell phones are down to the mid $200 price range, that's reachable for many kids. These new cell phones are really small computers, they do web surfing, e-mail, function as iPod type music machines, and most of them are decent quality cameras. Next, we need to look at what motivates teenagers, sometimes that's greed, but mostly it's feelings - love, hate, and most of all jealously. Now let your imagination run with you for a minute, and put a teenage kid in a locker room, at a party, at a sports event, or in pretty much any social situation, with a bunch of other teenage kids - with a camera - and an internet connection....you get the idea. How about using text messaging to cheat on an exam, the SAT, ACT, AP tests? Kids armed with this degree of technology could do as much to harm another kids life as they could if they maimed them with their car. We spend hours and hours and dollars and dollars teaching our kids how NOT to kill themselves or someone else with a car, and then most of us back that up with scare stories and warnings to drive carefully. There are national programs to teach kids the risks of driving under the influence, DARE, MADD, and on and on. Have any of us warned our kids about what to look for at a party or in a locker room? Have any of us talked to our kids about how much harm they could do to a peer by posting an image or two on the Internet? This one is real food for thought - please take heed and support your schools enforcing or developing a 'no phone' policy. Our kids are meant to be loved and all of them are special, but none of them are so important that they need to be available by phone 24/7. Maybe parents need to start a zero tolerance policy themselves? And maybe we need to get our kids real low tech devices - at least until they get to college?
Another issue that I've become aware of is drug abuse and the Internet. First off - second only to alcohol and marijuana - prescription drugs are THE most widely abused drugs out there. Used to be kids would filch a few from mom or dad's prescriptions, or maybe snag a couple from their friends parents on a sleep over or something like that. Enter the world of on-line pharmacies. Today - armed with a credit card - a kid can go on-line, speak to a 'doctor', obtain a prescription and order their drugs all in the privacy of their own home. I see a threat here, and while both federal and local law enforcement are trying to crack down on these outlets, many of them are outside of the United States. I've told you about it - now it will be up to you to keep an eye out for it. For the life of me I never would have thought I'd see the day when you didn't need to go to the local drug dealer to get your dope! And just so you are aware, many dope dealers have 'branched out' and now accept online orders by e-mail, text message and instant message. So it's never been more important for you to keep up with who is on your kids buddy list and in their phone book.
We've talked about a lot of stuff here - but would be remiss if I didn't discuss the 'playground bully'. It used to be that a kid would get picked on before or after school, or at recess. But the bully had to do it in person, and that made it easier for a teacher or parent to catch them in the act. The reality of the world is that there will always be bully's and kids that get picked on. As the parent of a kid that was picked on I can tell you about the pain that you - the parent - feel, and the effort that you will go to in order to try to make it better. Today - I can bully you 24/7/365 by means of text message, e-mail, on-line chat, away messages, blogs, and on and on. Some ideas that might help:
Start by warning your kids about bully's. Tell them out front that the bully is out there.
Arm your kids with support - and if need be enlist the support of your kid's friends and their parents. Making the victim feel better is a big help.
Talk with your kid before you intervene. Make sure that your child wants your help - and then let your child have input in HOW you help.
Make sure that if the bully behavior grows to physical assault that you teach your child how to defend themselves. Most of the time a bully will back off if they find a 'hard target'.
When all else fails - prayer sometimes works - or at least makes all involved feel a little better.
Let's talk a bit about consol gaming systems too. 'Back in the day', we were talking about cartridge games like the Nintendo. Today we're talking about the XBox360, the Wii, and the like. Some things that we, as parents, need to understand is that these things are COMPUTERS. Ok - we knew that, but we should also know that they need and want to be connected to the Internet, are capable (in many cases) of wireless (WiFi) connections, and provide an opportunity for interactive gaming. By that I mean the same kind of conversation and chat that we are talking about throughout this document. They are also capable of storing data other than the programs that are being run, and frankly with just a few modifications, can be converted to full functioning computer systems just like the PC on your desk. I guess we just need to simply be aware - the ability is there and pretty much requires the same supervision and control as the PC's we are talking about.
I also promised some updates on web sites and games related to the real young ones. There are a large number of web sites that are geared to the 5-10 year olds (and sometimes the little kids that are in all adults too!). There are also a number of games such as 'webkins'. Webkins are stuff animals that you purchase at a number of stores, then go 'on-line' to adopt. The web site lets you play games, and care for your virtual pet, earn money so you can buy your pet food, games, clothes, and all kinds of neat stuff. You can also CHAT from the site. Originally the messages were pre-canned - no room for free conversation, but such is not the case anymore. We need to start teaching our kids what NOT to say at and even earlier age. Related, are lots of web sites where kids can put virtual models through make overs, wardrobe changes, jewelry changes - all kinds of fun stuff. While I've yet to see one of these sites allow for chat, many will want kids to download and install programs or web applets - and this can be a very bad thing. At my house the only people who can download and install anything are mom and dad! Maybe that's another rule that needs consideration?
I've had some questions about IP addresses lately. So rather than fill up space in this document - click here to learn more about how to find out what your IP address(s) are!
Finally - I've talked some about 'robust' passwords. Suffice to say that today you need them - 8-15 characters that are kind of random, maybe include numbers, and if possible 'special characters' like !#$%^&. While we are at it - NO UNIVERSAL PASSWORDS. Once compromised, the most robust password is useless if it unlocks more than one door! May I suggest that you check out a program I found called 'roboform'? You can read about the program here: http://www.roboform.com/ . You only need to remember your roboform password and it will remember the rest for you. OK - best is to remember them your self - worst it the 'sticky note' method - and this program is somewhere in-between. It's free version works OK - but the full version is only $30.00 - that's not a bad investment.
This has been a lot of gloom, doom, and despair. But we have to talk about the worst so that we can prevent it from happening. In closing I’d like to mention the following – we spend our lives raising our kids as best we can. Just set goals for them and encourage them to live up to those goals – then stand back and watch them grow. Most of the time they won’t let us down!